Sunday, May 10, 2015

You know...

I've always been someone conscious, I suppose, of the fact that I'm going to outlive my grandparents (barring accidents or serious illness, or what have you), but there's nothing like having the point driven home that, yes, these people who have been around for all my life are one day not going to be there anymore. And that's a bit jarring. Also depressing as fuck.

My father's father had a stroke earlier this year and today I watched my father's mother puree a turkey dinner for him so he could eat what the rest of us were having. There's a wheelchair and a walker in their living room and a chair lift on the staircase. Also this is probably the first time I can ever remember seeing him in a pair of track pants. And he's a lot thinner than I've ever seen him. One of my uncles moved back in with them to help them out, and this is probably the first time he's lived in the area in my lifetime.

My mother's mother is dying. I don't really know how much longer she has left, though I'm pretty sure it's measured in months and not years. My uncle, her youngest, is set to get married at the end of June and we're all hoping she'll still be here for that. My brother's been in Alberta since August and he's supposed to be visiting for the first time since then in June, and I really want them to see each other one last time before the end. My brothers have always been a lot closer to her than I ever was. She came to dinner at my other grandparents' place with us and she kept asking who made the turkey, never remembering the answer by the time she asked again. At the end she said that she didn't know who made it, but it was delicious. I don't think anyone reminded her then. I don't think she'll last the summer, but I hope I'm wrong on that one.

You know, I've always known, in the back of my mind, that they won't always be there. But they've been around for the past 23 years, and I'm not a fan of change. I never envisioned a future where they won't be. Now it's gonna happen whether I like it or not (I don't like it).

My mother and father's grandparents all died when my parents were adults. I've met some of them, I even remember them a bit. I've had 23 years with Nanny, the youngest cousin's only had 6. I always thought that she'd still be around to be a great-grandmother by the time I had kids. But even if I got pregnant right this second it would still be too late.

Her house sits across the yard from ours, and soon it'll be empty for good.

I don't like this.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

MAY IS HERE

I seem to have gotten sucked into Teen Wolf hell, again. Only now with fanfiction.

OH WELL! ALL THE FEELS THOUGH! HALP!

Also been spending probably a bit too much money lately, woops. 

And it's actually starting to look like spring outside, though it's still cold a bit. There's a fire going and I have my footie pyjama pants on. We even had snow last week, twice.