I can't believe that it's only been six days since I first heard the news of the loss of Mme Jolene. It seems like a lot longer. Or maybe it's supposed to feel like that, I'm still new at this grief thing.
Today was the funeral. It was beautiful, especially at the end when almost everyone in the church started singing I Will Remember You. (Also, this was the first time that I actually understood that song.) It really wasn't what I expected a funeral to be like. I didn't really know what to expect though, this was the first funeral I've ever been to and I haven't seen very many on TV so... I'm starting to think it was a ploy to get me to willingly attend a mass, but, whatever.
I didn't cry today like I did Thursday. Strange. My eyes watered and my nose ran, but I didn't sob like the other day. Different atmosphere I guess. I really teared up at the sight of other people crying, and when Mme Jolene's mother started wailing. It was quite heartbreaking.
But at least the week is nearly over. I know that Mme is still gonna be dead next week, but it just seems like it'll be better next week. Or maybe I'm just weird like that.
I'm still gonna miss Mme, and so is everyone else upstairs. We will always love her and we'll never forget her.
RIP Mme Jolene.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I have a soul, who knew?
This whole week has just been so weird. Sometimes I forget that Mme Jolene is gone for good, and then I get reminded and I think of her boys and I just feel so sad.
Today, we had a memorial\funeral\Celebration of Life\thing. My dear God was that ever sad.
I actually cried. At first it was just my eyes tearing up, then my nose was running, then my throat burned, then everything all at once, and then finally I sobbed.
When I first heard that Mme had died (Sunday), I didn't think that I was gonna be able to cry. I just proved myself wrong.
It was a beautiful ceremony-thing though. We had someone playing the piano the whole time and there were a few speeches and every class from grade 4 up made some sort of gift to give to the family (who were all there).
The last gift was the name plaque from Mme's classroom door. Then her mother started bawling, along with half the students in the room, me included (although I wasn't really bawling by that point).
Then a student who was really close to Mme sang a song he wrote, cue more crying.
The classes all left one by one. Most of the students crossed by the front of the stage and went to hug Mme's mother. Then one of my [male] friends burst out crying, very loudly. Something I've never seen him do before. And then another one of my friends, who I had never seen cry before, was crying and the look on his face was just so sad. That's when I started bawling.
I cried because Mme was gone and she wasn't coming back, I cried for her two boys because they'd never get to know their mother like we did, and I cried for everyone else, because of what we lost.
I hope to God that, after the funeral on Saturday, me and my friends will never have to cry like that for a while.
Today, we had a memorial\funeral\Celebration of Life\thing. My dear God was that ever sad.
I actually cried. At first it was just my eyes tearing up, then my nose was running, then my throat burned, then everything all at once, and then finally I sobbed.
When I first heard that Mme had died (Sunday), I didn't think that I was gonna be able to cry. I just proved myself wrong.
It was a beautiful ceremony-thing though. We had someone playing the piano the whole time and there were a few speeches and every class from grade 4 up made some sort of gift to give to the family (who were all there).
The last gift was the name plaque from Mme's classroom door. Then her mother started bawling, along with half the students in the room, me included (although I wasn't really bawling by that point).
Then a student who was really close to Mme sang a song he wrote, cue more crying.
The classes all left one by one. Most of the students crossed by the front of the stage and went to hug Mme's mother. Then one of my [male] friends burst out crying, very loudly. Something I've never seen him do before. And then another one of my friends, who I had never seen cry before, was crying and the look on his face was just so sad. That's when I started bawling.
I cried because Mme was gone and she wasn't coming back, I cried for her two boys because they'd never get to know their mother like we did, and I cried for everyone else, because of what we lost.
I hope to God that, after the funeral on Saturday, me and my friends will never have to cry like that for a while.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Gone, but Never to Be Forgotten
Our school has just suffered a painful blow. Sometime yesterday, we lost one of our best teachers to a battle with cancer.
Mme. Jolene was an awesome teacher. Along with doing the normal teacher duties, she really connected with her students. We talked to her and she talked back. She listened to us when we had something to say and she wasn't afraid to tell us what was on her mind. She treated us like equals, and we respected and loved her greatly, we still do.
Only the kids from grade 6 and up really knew her, and some classes were hit harder than others. This year's grade 9s were really close to her. During lunch, they would hang around and play guitar and sing, and she would join them. This stopped when she left school for treatment. But today, some of us gathered together to play just for her. And we all felt that she was there with us, watching and singing along. It was our own special tribute to her.
The grade 9s really took it hard. They were her homeroom class a few years ago and they've been supporting her ever since she was first diagnosed a few years ago. They really, really love her. I walked onto the bus this morning and it was eerily silent down back. Even the normally loud ones were quiet (except for the kids up front). There was a lot of crying over the course of the day.
This is the first time that I've ever really experienced grief. And fuck does it hurt. This was a dark morning, despite the shining sun. I never thought that something like this would happen to our school. I've never seen anything like this. A lot of us still can't really believe that she's really gone. It really hurts... especially for the ninth graders. Also in their class, is a boy who has cancer. It's a really dark time for them.
And worst of all, Mme. Jolene left behind two adorable little boys. The oldest is in preschool and is one of the sweetest little boys I know. I can't describe how horrible it is that they were both separated from their mother this soon, and that they won't get a chance to really know this wonderful woman.
There aren't very many people out there like Mme. Jolene, and we were nothing but lucky to have known her and we are all devastated to have lost her so soon.
I know that there'll be a LOT of luminaries for her at the relay.
Mme. Jolene was an awesome teacher. Along with doing the normal teacher duties, she really connected with her students. We talked to her and she talked back. She listened to us when we had something to say and she wasn't afraid to tell us what was on her mind. She treated us like equals, and we respected and loved her greatly, we still do.
Only the kids from grade 6 and up really knew her, and some classes were hit harder than others. This year's grade 9s were really close to her. During lunch, they would hang around and play guitar and sing, and she would join them. This stopped when she left school for treatment. But today, some of us gathered together to play just for her. And we all felt that she was there with us, watching and singing along. It was our own special tribute to her.
The grade 9s really took it hard. They were her homeroom class a few years ago and they've been supporting her ever since she was first diagnosed a few years ago. They really, really love her. I walked onto the bus this morning and it was eerily silent down back. Even the normally loud ones were quiet (except for the kids up front). There was a lot of crying over the course of the day.
This is the first time that I've ever really experienced grief. And fuck does it hurt. This was a dark morning, despite the shining sun. I never thought that something like this would happen to our school. I've never seen anything like this. A lot of us still can't really believe that she's really gone. It really hurts... especially for the ninth graders. Also in their class, is a boy who has cancer. It's a really dark time for them.
And worst of all, Mme. Jolene left behind two adorable little boys. The oldest is in preschool and is one of the sweetest little boys I know. I can't describe how horrible it is that they were both separated from their mother this soon, and that they won't get a chance to really know this wonderful woman.
There aren't very many people out there like Mme. Jolene, and we were nothing but lucky to have known her and we are all devastated to have lost her so soon.
I know that there'll be a LOT of luminaries for her at the relay.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
GRAHRHAH!!
Well, I finally got my laptop. We ended up cancelling the order from Dell and getting a Toshiba from Future Shop. And it's very nice. It's shiny.
Anyway, everything on it works fine, except for the Internet.
For some reason, it won't connect to the wireless Internet here. And that is a major pain in the ass. We called Aliant and they're thinking that there's something wrong with the drivers on the computer so we're going to have to send it in to get it looked at.
And we just got it too. I know all my electronics have this bad habit of malfunctioning but come on!
... day two...
Anyway, everything on it works fine, except for the Internet.
For some reason, it won't connect to the wireless Internet here. And that is a major pain in the ass. We called Aliant and they're thinking that there's something wrong with the drivers on the computer so we're going to have to send it in to get it looked at.
And we just got it too. I know all my electronics have this bad habit of malfunctioning but come on!
... day two...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I Has Got News!1!
-My laptop has been delayed... again!! It was supposed to come in tomorrow, but we got a call and apparently, they're still missing some parts so they can't put everything together yet. According to my dad, the delivery date has been pushed to June 11. There's talk about cancelling the order and going for something else.
-I (finally) got a prom date (!). He's in grade 9, but I consider him a good friend so, why not? Since I was being too much of a baby to just go and ask him, he just called and asked me. I'm still not sure why. And I keep thinking that's it's not really happening because it's like it's too good to be true. That and he hasn't mentioned anything since.
-I went to the preschool for the first time in roughly two weeks. The reason for my absence is that I was sick and coughing for a week, and then for the next week I just enjoyed hanging out with people (it's not something I do often, so I cherish the times it actually happens). Then one of the kids asked me when I was coming back, so I returned today. I'm gonna go on a more regular basis now. But not tomorrow because that's before lunch.
-Lately, I find myself talking and interacting more with different people. This isn't something I'm very used to doing (I'm pretty shy, and I think I might have some subconscious psychological damage/problems/something), but I really like it. This is pretty big for someone who's alone most of the time (intentional or not).
-Today, I went to a information session thing that they were having at the college I'm going to next year. We got an explanation of my program (Human Services) and an overview of the courses we will be taking. There were two teachers there (who I think I'm gonna like) and they talked about how we needed a computer in order to survive this course. And then me and my mom got a tour of the building (which I find huge compared to my current school).
-My college has a helicopter pad! How cool is that?
-I have never read the Twilight series and I never will. I think it's stupid. (I was surprised to learn that the author was married and in her 30s. I was picturing someone in her late teens/early 20s who wrote all this when she was in high school. At least then she'd have an excuse.) I don't know a lot about the whole thing, but if anyone asks, I'm on Team Jacob, but that's really only because I think that Edward's an asshole.
-I (finally) got a prom date (!). He's in grade 9, but I consider him a good friend so, why not? Since I was being too much of a baby to just go and ask him, he just called and asked me. I'm still not sure why. And I keep thinking that's it's not really happening because it's like it's too good to be true. That and he hasn't mentioned anything since.
-I went to the preschool for the first time in roughly two weeks. The reason for my absence is that I was sick and coughing for a week, and then for the next week I just enjoyed hanging out with people (it's not something I do often, so I cherish the times it actually happens). Then one of the kids asked me when I was coming back, so I returned today. I'm gonna go on a more regular basis now. But not tomorrow because that's before lunch.
-Lately, I find myself talking and interacting more with different people. This isn't something I'm very used to doing (I'm pretty shy, and I think I might have some subconscious psychological damage/problems/something), but I really like it. This is pretty big for someone who's alone most of the time (intentional or not).
-Today, I went to a information session thing that they were having at the college I'm going to next year. We got an explanation of my program (Human Services) and an overview of the courses we will be taking. There were two teachers there (who I think I'm gonna like) and they talked about how we needed a computer in order to survive this course. And then me and my mom got a tour of the building (which I find huge compared to my current school).
-My college has a helicopter pad! How cool is that?
-I have never read the Twilight series and I never will. I think it's stupid. (I was surprised to learn that the author was married and in her 30s. I was picturing someone in her late teens/early 20s who wrote all this when she was in high school. At least then she'd have an excuse.) I don't know a lot about the whole thing, but if anyone asks, I'm on Team Jacob, but that's really only because I think that Edward's an asshole.
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