It was sunny and warm out this morning so Mom made me go outside to work on a tan I really need (seriously, I am ghost-pale). I wasn't even outside for a half-hour and I managed to get four bug bites. I don't know how I do it sometimes. I even got one on my toe! Who the hell gets a bite on their toe?!
Anyway...
I was talking to my mom about how I didn't like some of her friends (like the one who feels it necessary to scold me like a five-year-old child when I curse, even though his little twit probably curses more than me and looks and acts like a five-year-old). We eventually got on the topic of people writing me off because I watch anime.
I know that no one's said it to my face in a while, but it still annoys the fuck out of me. I think it's only certain people that do it, but they used to bring it up randomly and ask me how I can watch stuff like that. I never know what to answer them because I don't even get why they're asking. The best thing I can come up with is that I watch anime for the same reason that you watch the shows you watch: because I enjoy it.
I suppose it could be because the only anime most of these people know of is Pokémon, Digimon, Dragonball Z and Sailor Moon, and maybe InuYasha. Now, all those anime series (except InuYasha) is directed at children. The people who criticize me for watching anime all watched these shows when they were children, so I can see that they would view them as childish. What they don't know, however, is that there are other anime series that are directed to people of our age and older. I own a manga of Godchild, I should bring it to school and show it to them, see what they think.
Another topic me and Mom got to talking about was my standing on the school yearbook committee, and the meeting we had on Thursday. All I can say about that meeting is that it was beyond frustrating.
The thing about my school is that it goes from Pre-K to grade 12. I don't know whose bright idea it was, but someone decided to make the yearbook committee in charge of only the high school section and someone else would do the elementary section. Personally, I always thought it was a bad idea but, whatever, it's out of my hands.
Another thing is that the president of the committee once attended the other high school in the area and she's using that school's yearbook as an idea of what our yearbook should look like. What she doesn't understand, I don't think, is that the other school is a high school only, our school is a preschool, elementary school and high school all in one. We can't do the same things that they did.
Having considered this, I mentioned, in an earlier meeting (probably the first or second one) that we should get together with whoever was in charge of the elementary section. That idea was quickly shot down by one of the two higher ups without any consideration or thought. This was the last time I put any input into the meetings.
On Thursday, we finally got together with the people who were doing the elementary section. And an argument broke out over the organization of the pages. Apparently, we didn't accord enough pages to the elementary kids (for the record, I was not against this observation). What followed was the president and the vice-president argued with the elementary representatives while the rest of the yearbook committee (including me) watched in silence.
And then someone mentioned that we should've had a meeting with them earlier. That's when I banged my head down on the table.
And then another argument broke out between me and the vice-president, or the president, or both, can't really remember. Anyway, I had made a remark that was unjustified (but not totally, I had had a point somewhere) and I got yelled at for not voicing my opinion more often.
Well fuck me! And excuse me for not wasting my time and breath by saying things that would neither be considered or fully heard. And at the end of the meeting, I got yelled at. I know I had it coming, because my remark was either uncalled for or didn't come out right, but I wasn't as in the wrong as they thought I was and it still made me angry.
I'm still angry about it even now. I am about thisclose to dropping out of the committee. I almost dropped out when I found out who was going to be president. But I stayed because, and I admitted this reluctantly, I thought that she was a person who could get things done. But, as I found out on Thursday, she could only get things done if they were her ideas or if they were done her way.
And today, I decided something. I'm not known for being assertive or loud, but I was once told, during my Pathfinder days, that I was the only one brave enough to stand up to the leader. I realise now that, if I'm gonna keep my sanity during this project, I'm gonna have to bring that bravery out again and stand up to these people. And I'm gonna start doing it, very loudly.
They don't need to use my ideas, and they don't have to like them, but we're a committee and I expect my ideas and opinions to be heard and considered. I demand to be heard, and I'm gonna be heard, even if I have to scream and curse, and if that's what it's gonna take, then so be it.
I will be heard.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
TGIF... Yesterday
I can't believe that it's only been six days since I first heard the news of the loss of Mme Jolene. It seems like a lot longer. Or maybe it's supposed to feel like that, I'm still new at this grief thing.
Today was the funeral. It was beautiful, especially at the end when almost everyone in the church started singing I Will Remember You. (Also, this was the first time that I actually understood that song.) It really wasn't what I expected a funeral to be like. I didn't really know what to expect though, this was the first funeral I've ever been to and I haven't seen very many on TV so... I'm starting to think it was a ploy to get me to willingly attend a mass, but, whatever.
I didn't cry today like I did Thursday. Strange. My eyes watered and my nose ran, but I didn't sob like the other day. Different atmosphere I guess. I really teared up at the sight of other people crying, and when Mme Jolene's mother started wailing. It was quite heartbreaking.
But at least the week is nearly over. I know that Mme is still gonna be dead next week, but it just seems like it'll be better next week. Or maybe I'm just weird like that.
I'm still gonna miss Mme, and so is everyone else upstairs. We will always love her and we'll never forget her.
RIP Mme Jolene.
Today was the funeral. It was beautiful, especially at the end when almost everyone in the church started singing I Will Remember You. (Also, this was the first time that I actually understood that song.) It really wasn't what I expected a funeral to be like. I didn't really know what to expect though, this was the first funeral I've ever been to and I haven't seen very many on TV so... I'm starting to think it was a ploy to get me to willingly attend a mass, but, whatever.
I didn't cry today like I did Thursday. Strange. My eyes watered and my nose ran, but I didn't sob like the other day. Different atmosphere I guess. I really teared up at the sight of other people crying, and when Mme Jolene's mother started wailing. It was quite heartbreaking.
But at least the week is nearly over. I know that Mme is still gonna be dead next week, but it just seems like it'll be better next week. Or maybe I'm just weird like that.
I'm still gonna miss Mme, and so is everyone else upstairs. We will always love her and we'll never forget her.
RIP Mme Jolene.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I have a soul, who knew?
This whole week has just been so weird. Sometimes I forget that Mme Jolene is gone for good, and then I get reminded and I think of her boys and I just feel so sad.
Today, we had a memorial\funeral\Celebration of Life\thing. My dear God was that ever sad.
I actually cried. At first it was just my eyes tearing up, then my nose was running, then my throat burned, then everything all at once, and then finally I sobbed.
When I first heard that Mme had died (Sunday), I didn't think that I was gonna be able to cry. I just proved myself wrong.
It was a beautiful ceremony-thing though. We had someone playing the piano the whole time and there were a few speeches and every class from grade 4 up made some sort of gift to give to the family (who were all there).
The last gift was the name plaque from Mme's classroom door. Then her mother started bawling, along with half the students in the room, me included (although I wasn't really bawling by that point).
Then a student who was really close to Mme sang a song he wrote, cue more crying.
The classes all left one by one. Most of the students crossed by the front of the stage and went to hug Mme's mother. Then one of my [male] friends burst out crying, very loudly. Something I've never seen him do before. And then another one of my friends, who I had never seen cry before, was crying and the look on his face was just so sad. That's when I started bawling.
I cried because Mme was gone and she wasn't coming back, I cried for her two boys because they'd never get to know their mother like we did, and I cried for everyone else, because of what we lost.
I hope to God that, after the funeral on Saturday, me and my friends will never have to cry like that for a while.
Today, we had a memorial\funeral\Celebration of Life\thing. My dear God was that ever sad.
I actually cried. At first it was just my eyes tearing up, then my nose was running, then my throat burned, then everything all at once, and then finally I sobbed.
When I first heard that Mme had died (Sunday), I didn't think that I was gonna be able to cry. I just proved myself wrong.
It was a beautiful ceremony-thing though. We had someone playing the piano the whole time and there were a few speeches and every class from grade 4 up made some sort of gift to give to the family (who were all there).
The last gift was the name plaque from Mme's classroom door. Then her mother started bawling, along with half the students in the room, me included (although I wasn't really bawling by that point).
Then a student who was really close to Mme sang a song he wrote, cue more crying.
The classes all left one by one. Most of the students crossed by the front of the stage and went to hug Mme's mother. Then one of my [male] friends burst out crying, very loudly. Something I've never seen him do before. And then another one of my friends, who I had never seen cry before, was crying and the look on his face was just so sad. That's when I started bawling.
I cried because Mme was gone and she wasn't coming back, I cried for her two boys because they'd never get to know their mother like we did, and I cried for everyone else, because of what we lost.
I hope to God that, after the funeral on Saturday, me and my friends will never have to cry like that for a while.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Gone, but Never to Be Forgotten
Our school has just suffered a painful blow. Sometime yesterday, we lost one of our best teachers to a battle with cancer.
Mme. Jolene was an awesome teacher. Along with doing the normal teacher duties, she really connected with her students. We talked to her and she talked back. She listened to us when we had something to say and she wasn't afraid to tell us what was on her mind. She treated us like equals, and we respected and loved her greatly, we still do.
Only the kids from grade 6 and up really knew her, and some classes were hit harder than others. This year's grade 9s were really close to her. During lunch, they would hang around and play guitar and sing, and she would join them. This stopped when she left school for treatment. But today, some of us gathered together to play just for her. And we all felt that she was there with us, watching and singing along. It was our own special tribute to her.
The grade 9s really took it hard. They were her homeroom class a few years ago and they've been supporting her ever since she was first diagnosed a few years ago. They really, really love her. I walked onto the bus this morning and it was eerily silent down back. Even the normally loud ones were quiet (except for the kids up front). There was a lot of crying over the course of the day.
This is the first time that I've ever really experienced grief. And fuck does it hurt. This was a dark morning, despite the shining sun. I never thought that something like this would happen to our school. I've never seen anything like this. A lot of us still can't really believe that she's really gone. It really hurts... especially for the ninth graders. Also in their class, is a boy who has cancer. It's a really dark time for them.
And worst of all, Mme. Jolene left behind two adorable little boys. The oldest is in preschool and is one of the sweetest little boys I know. I can't describe how horrible it is that they were both separated from their mother this soon, and that they won't get a chance to really know this wonderful woman.
There aren't very many people out there like Mme. Jolene, and we were nothing but lucky to have known her and we are all devastated to have lost her so soon.
I know that there'll be a LOT of luminaries for her at the relay.
Mme. Jolene was an awesome teacher. Along with doing the normal teacher duties, she really connected with her students. We talked to her and she talked back. She listened to us when we had something to say and she wasn't afraid to tell us what was on her mind. She treated us like equals, and we respected and loved her greatly, we still do.
Only the kids from grade 6 and up really knew her, and some classes were hit harder than others. This year's grade 9s were really close to her. During lunch, they would hang around and play guitar and sing, and she would join them. This stopped when she left school for treatment. But today, some of us gathered together to play just for her. And we all felt that she was there with us, watching and singing along. It was our own special tribute to her.
The grade 9s really took it hard. They were her homeroom class a few years ago and they've been supporting her ever since she was first diagnosed a few years ago. They really, really love her. I walked onto the bus this morning and it was eerily silent down back. Even the normally loud ones were quiet (except for the kids up front). There was a lot of crying over the course of the day.
This is the first time that I've ever really experienced grief. And fuck does it hurt. This was a dark morning, despite the shining sun. I never thought that something like this would happen to our school. I've never seen anything like this. A lot of us still can't really believe that she's really gone. It really hurts... especially for the ninth graders. Also in their class, is a boy who has cancer. It's a really dark time for them.
And worst of all, Mme. Jolene left behind two adorable little boys. The oldest is in preschool and is one of the sweetest little boys I know. I can't describe how horrible it is that they were both separated from their mother this soon, and that they won't get a chance to really know this wonderful woman.
There aren't very many people out there like Mme. Jolene, and we were nothing but lucky to have known her and we are all devastated to have lost her so soon.
I know that there'll be a LOT of luminaries for her at the relay.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
GRAHRHAH!!
Well, I finally got my laptop. We ended up cancelling the order from Dell and getting a Toshiba from Future Shop. And it's very nice. It's shiny.
Anyway, everything on it works fine, except for the Internet.
For some reason, it won't connect to the wireless Internet here. And that is a major pain in the ass. We called Aliant and they're thinking that there's something wrong with the drivers on the computer so we're going to have to send it in to get it looked at.
And we just got it too. I know all my electronics have this bad habit of malfunctioning but come on!
... day two...
Anyway, everything on it works fine, except for the Internet.
For some reason, it won't connect to the wireless Internet here. And that is a major pain in the ass. We called Aliant and they're thinking that there's something wrong with the drivers on the computer so we're going to have to send it in to get it looked at.
And we just got it too. I know all my electronics have this bad habit of malfunctioning but come on!
... day two...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I Has Got News!1!
-My laptop has been delayed... again!! It was supposed to come in tomorrow, but we got a call and apparently, they're still missing some parts so they can't put everything together yet. According to my dad, the delivery date has been pushed to June 11. There's talk about cancelling the order and going for something else.
-I (finally) got a prom date (!). He's in grade 9, but I consider him a good friend so, why not? Since I was being too much of a baby to just go and ask him, he just called and asked me. I'm still not sure why. And I keep thinking that's it's not really happening because it's like it's too good to be true. That and he hasn't mentioned anything since.
-I went to the preschool for the first time in roughly two weeks. The reason for my absence is that I was sick and coughing for a week, and then for the next week I just enjoyed hanging out with people (it's not something I do often, so I cherish the times it actually happens). Then one of the kids asked me when I was coming back, so I returned today. I'm gonna go on a more regular basis now. But not tomorrow because that's before lunch.
-Lately, I find myself talking and interacting more with different people. This isn't something I'm very used to doing (I'm pretty shy, and I think I might have some subconscious psychological damage/problems/something), but I really like it. This is pretty big for someone who's alone most of the time (intentional or not).
-Today, I went to a information session thing that they were having at the college I'm going to next year. We got an explanation of my program (Human Services) and an overview of the courses we will be taking. There were two teachers there (who I think I'm gonna like) and they talked about how we needed a computer in order to survive this course. And then me and my mom got a tour of the building (which I find huge compared to my current school).
-My college has a helicopter pad! How cool is that?
-I have never read the Twilight series and I never will. I think it's stupid. (I was surprised to learn that the author was married and in her 30s. I was picturing someone in her late teens/early 20s who wrote all this when she was in high school. At least then she'd have an excuse.) I don't know a lot about the whole thing, but if anyone asks, I'm on Team Jacob, but that's really only because I think that Edward's an asshole.
-I (finally) got a prom date (!). He's in grade 9, but I consider him a good friend so, why not? Since I was being too much of a baby to just go and ask him, he just called and asked me. I'm still not sure why. And I keep thinking that's it's not really happening because it's like it's too good to be true. That and he hasn't mentioned anything since.
-I went to the preschool for the first time in roughly two weeks. The reason for my absence is that I was sick and coughing for a week, and then for the next week I just enjoyed hanging out with people (it's not something I do often, so I cherish the times it actually happens). Then one of the kids asked me when I was coming back, so I returned today. I'm gonna go on a more regular basis now. But not tomorrow because that's before lunch.
-Lately, I find myself talking and interacting more with different people. This isn't something I'm very used to doing (I'm pretty shy, and I think I might have some subconscious psychological damage/problems/something), but I really like it. This is pretty big for someone who's alone most of the time (intentional or not).
-Today, I went to a information session thing that they were having at the college I'm going to next year. We got an explanation of my program (Human Services) and an overview of the courses we will be taking. There were two teachers there (who I think I'm gonna like) and they talked about how we needed a computer in order to survive this course. And then me and my mom got a tour of the building (which I find huge compared to my current school).
-My college has a helicopter pad! How cool is that?
-I have never read the Twilight series and I never will. I think it's stupid. (I was surprised to learn that the author was married and in her 30s. I was picturing someone in her late teens/early 20s who wrote all this when she was in high school. At least then she'd have an excuse.) I don't know a lot about the whole thing, but if anyone asks, I'm on Team Jacob, but that's really only because I think that Edward's an asshole.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Jax: Weekend Edition
A whole weekend with the doll. Oy...
It went a whole lot better than the first two days. By this point, I could tell the differences between his cries and I got faster at dealing with his needs. I also got pretty good at predicting when he would cry and how much time I had between them.
Also... 7 O'CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING!!!!!
It's not that I'm not a morning person, but, seriously. 7 in the morning on a weekend is harsh. Especially when I don't sleep very well during the week and sleep in til like, 11 o'clock on the weekends. I needs my weekend sleep dammit.
At least after I fed and changed him, I got to sleep for an extra couple of hours. Go me.
For the most part, he just sat in his car seat on the computer desk, staring at the monitor. Fun and enlightening. I is a great mother.
Anyway, I passed him in and learned that I got 100% on it. No complaints from this end.
It went a whole lot better than the first two days. By this point, I could tell the differences between his cries and I got faster at dealing with his needs. I also got pretty good at predicting when he would cry and how much time I had between them.
Also... 7 O'CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING!!!!!
It's not that I'm not a morning person, but, seriously. 7 in the morning on a weekend is harsh. Especially when I don't sleep very well during the week and sleep in til like, 11 o'clock on the weekends. I needs my weekend sleep dammit.
At least after I fed and changed him, I got to sleep for an extra couple of hours. Go me.
For the most part, he just sat in his car seat on the computer desk, staring at the monitor. Fun and enlightening. I is a great mother.
Anyway, I passed him in and learned that I got 100% on it. No complaints from this end.
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